I think my fart just growled at me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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