What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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