I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
