Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
