you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
