Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
