just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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