hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
