You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
