I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
