DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
