so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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