shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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