Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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