Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
false alarm, still single
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
