Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
