last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
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