Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
