Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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