"it" just moved
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
