Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
