He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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