capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
