Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
