"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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