And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
