you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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