When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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