I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
