we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
