I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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