youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
