When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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