There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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