Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
