never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you inspire me to be a worse person
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
