It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize