there's paper in my vomit.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
