Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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