she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We got so high we made milksteak
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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