I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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