I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
