I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
