guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
