i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
