is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this just has baby written all over it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
