I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
