There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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