I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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