Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
