I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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