It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
