Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize