I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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