Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
