i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
