Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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