Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
