I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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