Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
