The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
