Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
