I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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