It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
