When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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