i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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