I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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