True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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