if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
