One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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