Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
