wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
