and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
