Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
