Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
