You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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