Where is the hickey?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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