you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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