Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
