I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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